Wanted: The Blue Box

There is a man in a blue box who is called The Doctor. He has all of space and time opened to him through the zchruoosh, zchruoosh, zshree, zshree of the blue box’s engines. And, he doesn’t know it yet, but one day I’ll hitch a ride.

This is probably what professionals call “living under a delusion”. I think I’m ok with that; they can put it in my permanent record. Because the Doctor keeps me dreaming and keeps me wondering.

When I was younger, I would lie in my backyard in the chilly, stiff crab grass and peer up at the stars, straining to see them through the city’s lights. I would hold my breath and lie perfectly still, willing myself to float off the ground behind me and into the syrupy black in front of me. Sometimes, while lying there, I would rock my head backwards so I could feel that upside-down rush of vertigo- thinking that I could use that exhilaration as a booster to get closer to the stars just like a rocket using earth’s rotation to fling itself skyward. Once, through sheer stubbornness of belief, I made it a whole half-inch off the ground. Sadly, that’s my personal best.

Today, I still strain to see the stars through the city lights but my gaze has gone beyond the simple blackness and into what’s beyond. I am gripped with a longing nearly unparalleled and a desperate curiosity when I let my imagination drift upwards. All respects to Earth, I would cast off everything for chance to walk among the stars.

These thoughts and desires fall down to me, dropped into my head from what seems like elsewhere. Driving along the highway at night, I spot the brightest of the stars through the flood lamps and before I know it I’m drifting into other lanes of traffic; distracted to the point of negligence. I have become increasingly impatient with my life. Increasingly ready to throw my hands in the air and everything with it. Increasingly needful of change, curiosity, adventure. And, at this point, the grandest adventure would be up.

I watch The Doctor not with rose-colored, smitten eyes, but with eyes turned green from envy. The opportunity! All those worlds, all those people. None of whom know my name. None of whom know me. To lift off to the exhilarating zchruoosh, zchruoosh, zshree, zshree, to discover, to explore, to finally satiate that hungry curiosity, to just…leave. Yes, I watch with deep, deep envy.

So, if you see the blue box let me know. I have plans to hitch a ride.